Archive for December, 2008
Holiday Funnies
December 22nd, 2008
Gynecologist’s Assistant
December 19th, 2008A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville, Florida, and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more – “Can you give me some more details?” he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they’re ready for the gynecologist’s examination. There’s an annual salary of $45,000, but you’re going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That’s about 620 miles from here.”
“Oh, is that where the job is?”
“No sir – that’s where the end of the line is right now.”
The Truth About Santa Claus
December 18th, 2008
Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns
December 17th, 2008Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago, and he says he has been fee ling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counseling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Distraught in North Carolina
Dear Distraught: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
-Walter
Fireman’s Hose
December 16th, 2008A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, “You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we’re on the fire truck ready to go.
“From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked.”
“When I say BELL 2 I want you to jump in bed.”
“And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night.”
The next night he came home from work and yelled “BELL 1!” The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
When he yelled “BELL 2!”, the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled “BELL 3!”, they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled “BELL 4!”
“What the hell is BELL 4?” asked the husband?
“Roll out more hose,” she replied “you’re nowhere near the fire.”
